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Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Steal This Blog (copyright rules apply)

Hunter S. Thompson said "When going gets weird, the weird turn pro" or something to that effect and working on 3 hours or so of sleep with a healthy dose of neuroticism, I think I can fit the bill. So far now, we'll put aside crazy family members, insolent students, and neighborhood association plots, and commence to blog.
 Dear readers, inspiration has not poured out in abundance these last few days, but I  think I can still share some amusing word observations with you in the next few sentences. So stop looking for mirages, wring your hands no longer, I am back. For you.

1Dates without Stones: My bitter rival and sometimes battlefied opponent, Les Floyd, took a break from weightier matters to note that a package of fruit he was about to get into read "dates without stones." Does this mean unarmed suitors, a period in the earth's history before solidification, gelding half-men? Only you, the reader, know for sure.

2 Robotic Fish: I glanced through a local university's student newspaper only to see that the local whiz-kids and mad scientists had been engineering "robotic fish." I've warned repeatedly that  nothing good would come out of allowing children to watch the The Transformers and this only bears out my observation. Soon, those robotic fish will evolve into robo-amphibious ground dwelling creatures and in a matter of centuries into artificial simians. You will wake up one day and speak robot.

3 Spontaneously Combusting Pensioners: Harry Brown really would have chased the thugs out of Lodon like the pied piper drove the rats out of Ireland if he could "human torch" himself at will. Apparently, retired pub-dwelling Englishmen have been quietly sitting around with other old men, nursing their beers, and then "Whooosh," bursting into flames. I haven't heard or read about this personally, but some guy on Twitter said it was happening and that's good enough for me.

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